"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." -Tom Wilson
Life is not perfect. It has never been and never will be. This is not bad news. In fact, once we begin to embrace this reality, we welcome a lot of possibilities. Life is never perfect. We know it's true.
Why, then, do we continue to complain about these imperfections?
We complain about the weather, traffic and weeds in our yard. We complain about our tight clothes, misplaced keys, late planes and the price of gas. We complain about our jobs or the lack of jobs. We complain about our curious neighbors, crying babies, ungrateful teenagers and lazy spouses. We have become a society too fast to complain.
Complaining is almost never a positive reaction to our situation.
There are times, of course, when reporting an injustice to someone is a good thing. But most of the time, we express feelings of pain, dissatisfaction or resentment simply because it is our natural response.
But this answer must be reconsidered in our lives because it is rarely healthy. In fact, there are many negative consequences to this reaction. Complaining nurtures and generates a negative reaction. Moreover,
- It promotes a negative attitude. Complaining draws our attention to the negative aspects and circumstances surrounding us. And focusing on the negative aspects always leads to more negativity. Complaining never brings joy – it only plunges us deeper into our misery.
- This has a negative impact on those around us. The complaints propagate negativity. By focusing on the issues and discomfort around us and drawing attention to them, we are also directing others to them. Misery loves the company.
- It does not change our situation. Act, yes. But this is not the case for words that complain.
- It disqualifies the value of discomfort in our lives. The discomfort, both physical and emotional, can have profound beneficial effects on our lives. There are innumerable life lessons that can only be learned by embracing discomfort: patience and perseverance to name but a few. Become OK with the discomfort. You will be glad to have done it.
- It is very unattractive. It's not nice to spend time with people who constantly emphasize negatives. And not only unattractive, the egocentric emphasis of complaining can also be boring.
- It leaves us in victim mode. One of the biggest obstacles to sustainable change is blame. And complaining finds its foundation almost entirely in cause.
On the other hand, there are many advantages to complaining less. We focus on the positive. It allows gratitude to take root. And gaiety can be an excellent embellisher.
So, how can we begin to overcome the habit of complaining? First of all, admit that lifestyle changes can take a long time. And then, consider adopting some of these useful steps below.
How less to complain?
- Examine the importance of adopting change. Many of us complain only because we have never considered the alternative. We have never been warned of its harmful effects, both in us and around us. We never thought there would be a better solution. But when given the choice, most of us would prefer to give life rather than exhaust it with our words. This is exactly what to do.
- Embrace the recognition of an imperfect world. Life will not always serve what we would like (or even wait) at every turn. There will be trouble, trials and pain. Once again, everything is fine. And the sooner we stop holding on to a world around us, the sooner we can understand that our contribution is much more necessary than our pleasure. The discomfort should not surprise us – and we are not alone in feeling it.
- Understand the difference between useful criticism and complaint. There are times when it is very appropriate to draw attention to a fault. This can be useful and should never be discouraged. Decrypt if the situation can and must be resolved. If this is not the case, there is a good chance that our complaints have no real interest in dialogue, problem solving or human relations. And in this case, we must avoid them.
- Be attentive to your interlocutor. Are you talking to someone who can help you solve the problem or who has a direct interest in finding a solution? If so, use a problem-solving language. If you need to continue, prepare your complaint using language that reduces the impact. For example, starting with "Can I just evacuate for a minute or two?" May be all that you need to guide you and your listener towards your goal and to help you remember to stay brief .
- Avoid starting conversations with a complaint. Take note of how often we start conversations with a complaint. Often, even unconsciously, this tactic is often used because it provokes an increased reaction. Remove it from your arsenal. And try to spread a little joy with your opening phrase instead.
- Refuse to complain for the sake of validation. Sometimes our complaints are used to validate our value to others. "I'm so busy" is a good example. We often say it as a means of subtly communicating our importance. Do not try to impress others with your complaints. This strategy will not make you win long term friends anyway.
- Notice your triggers. Is there a specific time of day when you tend to complain more than others? Morning, evening or late afternoon? When is your spouse at home? When are you having coffee or lunch with your friends? Maybe it's around the water fountain with your colleagues? Pay attention. Then avoid triggers if possible. If they can not be avoided, be very careful when you see them arise.
- Adopt the idea of experimentation. It may be counterproductive to set a goal of "never complaining again". Instead, try to designate a short period of time during which you can be particularly attentive. For example, decide to go there just one day without complaining. This shorter period will allow you to focus more on your goal. The shorter experimental period will promote increased sensitivity.
Complaining without reason does not make sense in our lives. It promotes discontent, spreads negativity and triggers conflict. We would be happier without her. Let's go ahead, recognize and welcome the positive.
