In life, the loss of a loved one, the death occurs as an incomprehensible and absurd cataclysm that devastates our daily lives.
The mourning is then a difficult work of acceptance of an event yet inseparable from life. So, how to accept the intervention of death in our lives and mourn the unacceptable?
Welcome the death of a loved one
Paradoxical as it may seem, it is difficult for us to accept the most indisputable fact of life: death.
Death is a natural process of life. When you brush your hair in the morning and it falls, it's an expression of death. When you cut your nails, it's also a part of us that dies and goes away.
All living things come one day to die and this is an absolute truth.
Yet many spend a good part of their lives trying to avoid it, or ignore it. Thus, when it occurs in our environment, it is powerful and sweeps everything in its path.
Mourning: how to accept death?
Bereavement generally comprises several phases. Relatives most often go through a phase of shock and of denial which can last a few minutes and sometimes even a few weeks. During this period, it is difficult to believe in the disappearance of the loved one. Then comes the anger, the revolt. Relatives sometimes have trouble understanding why this happened. They feel a strong sense of injustice.
Then, the bargaining takes place in the minds. Relatives begin to think that things would be different if that person had not died. This is another form of denial of reality. Relatives of deceased persons may also go through periods of depression. The loss of a loved one can come as a very devastating cataclysm. Yet intense sadness is a completely normal phase of grief.
Theacceptance comes later. We come to understand that life goes on, with or without missing persons. This is the last phase of mourning, the one that allows us to confront reality with serenity. Affected people allow themselves to live normally, even if the absence is real. It is another relationship that is established with the lost being and symbolizes the inner restructuring. The important thing is to give yourself time to accept the situation and rebuild your life around these feelings.
Beliefs around death
Across the world, civilizations all have a vision of death. Everyone has his beliefs, his gods and his rituals. Many also have a pretty good idea of what awaits them after this essential stage of life.
A clean idea of life after death
In ancient Egypt, pharaohs, notables, citizens, and even slaves spent a good part of their lives preparing for death. They did not think that life ended with death, but that death is only one step.
People who practice a religion also have their own idea of what happens when the body goes out. The idea of a paradise and a hell is common to many people.
Science is always trying to determine what lies ahead of us on the "other side". Some have made NDEs (near death experiences) and describe them all with kindness.
Today, we are still unable to confirm or refute each of these beliefs. The death and the following remain for the moment an idea proper to each.
The steps after a death
If the test of the loss of a loved one is already heavy to bear, sometimes it is also necessary to take charge of the steps that accompany it. The first formalities following a death are the responsibility of the entourage or not according to the place of death. They must be done within 24 hours.
The finding of a death
The first document to obtain is the medical certificate of death. If it occurs in the hospital, retirement home or clinic, the doctor or the institution takes charge of this process. If the person dies at home, the deceased person's entourage must then contact a health professional: specialist or general practitioner. Finally, if it is a suicide or an accidental death, the police station or gendarmerie must be immediately alerted. The circumstances of the death will be the subject of a report.
The declaration in the town hall
The town hall must be notified by relatives within 24 hours (excluding weekends and holidays) following the death. For this, they must bring the death certificate prepared by a doctor, a piece of identification and a family record book. The documents must certify the identity of the deceased and must give accurate information. It is possible to mandate the funeral directors to make this step. If the death occurs in a health facility (hospital, clinic or retirement home), the latter is usually responsible for this process.
Subsequently, the registrar draws up the death certificate and gives it in several copies to the relatives of the deceased. These documents are essential to prevent administrations and organizations. The town hall of the place of death is authorized to provide additional copies if necessary.
The funeral
After having settled the administrative questions, the relatives will have to organize the funeral of the deceased taking into account his last wills. The latter was able to write a will or a funeral contract. If he has not done so, the choice will be for the family.
During this difficult ordeal of losing a loved one, the support, comfort and help provided by those close to you, friends and family, are truly precious. It is therefore normal to express their gratitude, thanks to thank you cards for example.
To conclude
Death is an inseparable step of life. From birth, we are all condemned to face it, but also to know the mourning when a person who is dear to us goes away. Thus, we are all brought one day when the other has to accept death, with more or less ease. The important thing is to allow the process of mourning to happen, each at his own pace.
